do you feel that..?

Have you ever felt numb? And I don't mean physical numbness like not feeling a needle to your raw skin. I mean like when something horrible happens, and your first reaction is, "well at least that's not me", or "it'll get better soon". Or the worst is, "that's God's intended purpose for this to happen, so what can I do to change that?" Ew, ew, ew. I used to think like that.

There was a part of me that was numb, and sometimes still is. Like I guarded my heart so securely and had triple locked it with a couple extra bolts and then a brick wall as well. And then when the outside world knocked, I just didn't care. That was definitely my flesh protecting me from feeling any pain, any pain that the world might cause.

And then something crazy sometimes happens. God shows you a small child holding their mama's hand, or a patient in the hospital reading their Bible because they don't know when their last breath will be, or having a reaallly good conversation with a friend that goes deeper then the usual "surface" talk. And then you feel. You feel something bigger then your own selfish self and feel someone else. You connect and feel compassion. You understand someone else, not fully, but the way God intended you to feel. Fully.

Have you ever gone a long period of time without crying? It's been 6 months since I last cried and I wonder what's wrong with me? I am a girl, shouldn't I be crying regularly? And does this mean I am not "feeling" correctly? I don't know. I know I have been realizing how numb I used to be and I don't want to be like that anymore, and those were the days I cried rivers. So maybe selfishness had something to do with it, or life circumstances. But whatever it was, I know I want to feel now, infinitely like the depth of Space.

Next time you hear of something horrible, sad and inhumane, ask yourself... do you feel that?

Winston.

So the day that I thought I had nothing to do and went running through the canyons, I found a dog a mile in! No tags, nobody around. Just a little white maltese all dirty with spiders on it. He was running towards me at first, and I was kinda nervous because I didn't know if he was friendly. Then he stopped right in front of me and sat & just stared at me like, "Take me home, I've been out here for awhile".

So I let him sniff me & I picked him up and carried him back the mile that I had already ran. These canyons have coyotes and deer and snakes, and I don't know how long he'd survive.

I gave him a bath and took him to the vet to see if he had a micro-chip; which he didn't. The vet said he was about 1.5 years old. I put up fliers all around the neighborhoods around the canyons. I still haven't received any phone calls.

So I named him, because I want to interact with him, and if nobody calls, I might have to keep him. I named him Winston. It fits him perfectly. :)

He is so cute, but always scared of other people. He is so needy and follows me around my house constantly. I really want to find his family, I hope they do call. But if not, at least he has a home with me.

first post.

Today is not just my mother's birthday and not just a monday, but it is the first day in a long time that I have officially nothing on my schedule. WOW! We celebrated my mom's b'day yesterday and had everyone over, which was nice because it didn't seem we had everyone officially together for the holidays. One person always seemed to be busy doing something else while everyone else was together. With a family my size, it is an accomplishment to have everyone together!

We ate a honey cake and my mom blew out candles after about half an hour of convincing her. She said, "If I don't blow them out, then I won't really turn 49". :)

I think with my free day I will reorganize my closet? School starts up again in exactly one week and I know I won't have time to organize again till May. I may also have lunch with my friend Tania, whom I have known since the 8th grade. We are as close as sisters. There is nothing she doesn't know about me. It is so nice to be blessed with friends such as those.

Well I am new to this blogging, so it might take awhile for me to get the hang of this!

Off for a run through the canyons!